Known Space Lightbulb Jokes

• "How many Puppeteers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "None. They hire Beowulf Shaeffer to do it. Lightbulbs can be dangerous"

• "How many Trinoc does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "Why do you want to know about our maintenance schedules? Are you planning to attack us in the dark?"

• "How many Kdatlyno does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "None. It sounds perfectly OK to them."

• "How many tnuctip does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "Depends what you want them to change it into."

• "How many Kzin does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "None. You can scream and leap in the dark."

• "How many Carlos Wus does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "With an unlimited breeding licence, who needs lightbulbs?"

• "How many Slavers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "Dunno. How susceptible are lightbulbs to telepathy?"

• "How many Grogs does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "One. Something with manipulatory appendages will be along eventually."

• "How many bandersnatchii does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "Two. One to sit on your armoured hunting car, and one to explain what you'll have to do before it gets off again."

• "How many Pak Protectors does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "Only one, but the lightbulb has to smell right."

• "How many Ringworld Engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "Thirty. Hey, moving suns around isn't easy..."

• "How many Outsiders does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "Personal questions cost one trillion stars."

• "How many Teela Browns does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "Stupid question."

Some more Lightbulb Jokes by Matthew Joseph Harrington

• Q) How many thrintun does it take to change a lightbulb?
  A) CHANGE THE BULB. --None.

• Q) How many tnuctipun does it take to change a lightbulb?
  A) Technically, none. You just have to remember to feed the old one.

• Q) How many kdatlyno does it take to change a lightbulb?
  A) Why change this one? It sounds fine to me.

• Q) How many Pak protectors does it take to change a lightbulb?
  A) Hard to say. This one's too busy killing things with the old one.

• Q) How many human protectors does it take to change a lightbulb?
  A) I'm not changing it. I'm rigging it so when a Pak protector tries to change it it should kill thirty or forty of them.

And a few Motie lightbulb jokes...

• "How many Motie Watchmakers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "One. Four to change the lightbulb and seventeen to convert the old bulb into an escape capsule for all the others."

• "How many Motie Warriors does it take to change a lightbulb?"
  "None. One of the dead ones will do it."

• "How many Motie Mediators does it take to chage a lightbulb?"
  "Are you insane? Only Crazy Eddie would want to change anything!"

• "How do Motie Masters make omelettes in space?"
  "They juggle priceless eggs in variable gravity."

And one from Matthew Joseph Harrington

• Q) How many Motie engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
• A1) Either one or two, depending on what you want to change it into.
• A2) The question is moot, since while we were discussing it she's already fixed the old bulb. It is now brighter and more durable, and uses less power. It also makes Julienne fries.

Another Joke, coined during a First Saturday Chat:

• "What happens when a Fithp gets a cold?"
  "It goes to see a fi'sician"

...And one from GT

• Q: What do you call a Vegan Kzin?
  A: Speaker to Vegetables.

Limericks by GT

• There once was a pilot called Schaeffer
  Who thought GP hulls would be safer
  When going for rides
  Near Neutron Star tides
  To avoid getting pressed to a wafer
• An antique collector named Svetz
  Went seeking unusual pets
  A werewolf, a roc
  And some odd equine stock
  Plus a whale of a fish in his nets.